Monday, January 19, 2009

This is the post, where I finally earn my one way, non-refundable ticket to h*e* double hockey sticks

May I give you a brief tour of this post, before you start reading? These are actual responses from the on-line dating service I joined. I will confess, I do have a conscience and I am Catholic, guilt was embedded in my DNA, so I feel bad about posting this, but not bad enough to not do it. That is what confession is for, right? You do something bad, then, confess and that makes you square with the big G in the sky? Here are some things you should keep in mind as you read this:

  • The bolded questions, are the actual question asked by the dating service.
  • The white text is the response from some of my matches and the yellow text is my additional comment (and the reason that I am going to hell for this one).
  • The only balm to my conscience for doing this, is I am sure the men are doing this to my profile and worse. It helps me sleep at night, let me go with it.

OMG. I think it is true love, here is one who loves... Spell Check….swoon.

Put me on the beach with a good book and I'm happy. (a hot lady in a bikini wouldn't hurt either...) and, that statement right there, put me right out of the running.

The one thing XXX wishes MORE people would notice about him is (these responses and the responses to the next 2 questions, belong to the same guy):

That I am crying out for more fun, more love ,more friends, more money, more everything.

The first thing you'll probably notice about XXX when you meet him:
The woman I am with and her appearance, I'm easy to approach, and my down to earth humor and openess.

The one thing XXX is most passionate about:
1.Taking a leisurely ride in my Mercedes with the top down. 2. Loving and carassing a beautiful woman.

Can you say arrogant, self-absorbed, asshat and what is a carass anyway?

One thing that only JJJJ best friends know is:
That I have been through a lot in my life and can still swim underwater for over two minutes.
Wow, just wow.

The one thing VVVV wishes MORE people would notice about him is (this question and the next set of answers belonged to the same person):
How insecure I really am!

The things VVV can't live without are:

  • Starbucks~!
  • My DVD Player and my TV
  • My Car
  • If I had Friends, they would be in this category!
  • Fishing trips~!

This is my own category on WTF is with the spelling here?

  • Investmens Specialist (his occupation)
  • rescently
  • My hieght
  • I am an idential twin

The one thing SSSS is most passionate about (same guy for the next two questions):
having great sex

The three things which SSSS is most thankful for:
my sex drive

Oh, uh, how did he end up on my interested list? Oooopsies.

The one thing CCCCC wishes MORE people would notice about him is:
that i am intellegent...

The one thing XXX is most passionate about (a compilation of answers from different profiles):

  • living life to the fullist
  • I am thankful for my chikdren
  • I love staying ative
  • I HAVE LIFE MASTERED IM TRYING TO GET PAID IN FULL as well as the Caps Lock button on the keyboard.
  • I am passionate about whatever is important to me. This is either a really deep or a really shallow answer, can't quite decide which one it is...
  • I have the BEST job in the world! He says this a couple of times in his profile, but doens't tell you what it I am rooting for elephant stool remover/artificial insemintor.
  • my kids the outdoors, jeeping, quading, hikeing,and camping
  • working on my vehicles, jeeping and quading - I guess, I just didn't know that if you add an ing to jeep and quads you ended up with a verb, silly me.
  • there comfort with me and themselves - For the love of Pete it is their...not there....OMG people, get this right for a change! Ooooh, I am about to start on the difference between, to and too...better stop now.

Occupation: President I thought.... he was married to a woman named Michelle and she doesn't look like the type of woman who shares.

Communications Forman WTF?

Random mutterings about the photos posted on their pages:

  • Hairy Chest and bushy eyebrows…with another photo of you all sweaty at the bar, oh baby, can't wait to jump on that train! Never smokes on his profile, but he is smoking in one of the photos.
  • A photo of him in a Chippendales costume. This isn’t folks, but nice abs.
  • Best foot forward? Sit up straight!
  • Dude, your shirt is dirty in all 5 of your pictures. This is not a coincidence.

Guys taking pictures of themselves, using the bathroom mirror - 3

Number of profiles that screamed , “I will slowly bore you to death!” - 8

Number of pictures that were taken in filthy cesspools of a house - 2

If I have to google the city in which you live, I am not interested.

Number of profiles that made me laugh out loud (because they were funny – on purpose) - 4

Yeah, I know, I am never, ever getting a date because of this, sigh. It's okay, I like my dog and once the peanut butter recall is over, my life will be about as perfect as ever.

posted by Ditsy Chick @ 9:59 PM |


<< Home