Thursday, November 03, 2005

Musings on Why I Could Not Be A Lesbian

Over the years I have thought about what the benefits there would be in being a lesbian. I have some understanding of the gay world, I love gay men. Nothing makes me happier than to find out one of my male co-workers is gay. My brother (who has in no way authorized me to out him on the blog, so I will call him Michael) is gay. I have never ever had an issue with people that were gay, just because they were gay. So, why not explore the possibilities? First of all, I would have a partner who actually cleans up after themselves. There would be someone who would understand the nuances in laundry terms between gray and white and cottons and silks. And FINALLY, a partner who really knows what women want.

However, I just cannot get past the down sides.
  • You would have 2 women in the same household PMSing on 2 different cycles - this could take up the entire month instead of the current 1-2 week variety we enjoy in my house.
  • The sex just feels like would actually have to make sure both of you reached the finish line and given that women average 13 minutes to get there, that's a solid 35 minutes. I will take my good old 5-8 minutes with hubby - and let's face it they just don't care if you cross the line or not - you can do that stuff on your own time.
  • I cannot even imagine having a partner as bitchy/ornery as me in the house all of the time (my husband does not read this site, so I can admit this without fear of repercussion). The conversations would go something like this, "Are you gonna sit and watch TV all night?" LP "Why, no, I would much rather exercise, but I figure if you aren't going to give a shit about yourself, they why should I take the time to look good?"
  • Ownership - I would have to fight daily to be top banana and who needs that?
  • I don't want to see myself naked, why add to the pain?

So in light of these reasons, I would prefer to give a nod to my Mormon heritage (my father was raised LDS and my mother is Catholic - apparently the female Catholic gene is Dominant over the male LDS gene. I think that makes me a half-breed. I prefer to think of my self as a half-Cath with a twist of Mo) and have asked my husband to go the polygamy route. Think about it, second wife does not have to reside in my house. I would always be first wife. Husband can have all the nookie he wants with nubile 19 year old second wife (preserving my sleep). Second wife could stay home, cook, clean, do laundry, run errands and watch children. Just think of the money we are saving. I just cannot think of a downside here.

posted by Ditsy Chick @ 8:48 AM |


<< Home