A Few Reasons Why I Am Saving Up for Therapy for My Children

Forget the old college fund, my kids are brilliant and they will get scholarships. Alright, I will let you in on a secret - my real plan is to quit working 2 years before they hit college and let them qualify for financial aid, so, I would like to thank all of you in advance for paying for my children’s education. At least it's a plan. In lieu of a college fund, I have started a therapy fund for my boys and here are a few reasons why:

1) Since we brought home my 3rd son, I have repeatedly said, “Yeah, he’s pretty cute, we might keep him.” My two oldest boys now beg me not to sell their brother.



2) My husband and I have told them not to play with their wieners and if they do it too much, they will fall off and it takes 10 years for it to grow back.

3) I sing for them.

4) I have let them listen to opera and they like it.

5) I am a space cadet and the kids know it. They actually have to remind me to get baby and not to leave him, at least, they feel like they do, I have not yet, left any of my children behind.

6) I was stupid enough to ask my oldest son to watch baby last night at Mickey D’s in Wal-Mart (now, there is the definition of hell on earth ~ a Mickey D’s inside a Wal-Mart), while I threw away the garbage. I turned around and they were gone. My oldest son stuck with baby and I finally found them, as my oldest son returned to the scene of the crime. Wait, I need therapy for this one, not them.

7) My middle child tells me he likes the smell of my boobies.



8) My oldest son knows the name and location of every pizza joint within a 5 mile radius and we have only lived here since October 24th.



9) We have told our oldest boys that if they keep picking their noses the snail at the top of their noses will bite their fingers off.

10 ) I have told them their real parents are nice aliens from another planet and they were accidentally left behind when the spaceship took off.

11) They have to ask me, “Are you joking?” after almost everything I tell them.

12) They have seen me naked.




***************UPDATE****************************

I asked my son why he liked the smell of mommies boobies and he said, "because they are squishy and wooshy and cuggly." I have no idea what that has to do with the smell, but that is what he said.

Drink of the day:

Boxed Zinfandel
White Wine (no
need for a glass)