Sexual Evolution

DISCLAIMER - You probably don't want to read this. If you are my mother, my brother or my husband, you are forbidden from reading this. If you do read this, I am not paying to have your mind's eye poked out. I warned you. Happy Holidays!

The evolution of sex in my relationship…

First couple of years of sex:

“No, no take it all off. I want to see you.”

“I love these things, I could play with them all day!”

“Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!”

“Mmm, mmm baby, make it last all day!”

Ahhh!

“Let’s do that again!"

"Yeah, but this time, you’re on the floor/table/stairs/fan light/sofa/kitchen counter/washing machine!”

As opposed to 7 year marriage and children sex:

“No, you don’t have to take that off.”

Slap, slap, slap, (no, not S&M it’s our extra skin and latent muscle mass coming together)

“Mffyr brufer unffr hre!”

“What (as I sling my breast over my shoulder)?”

I said, “I can’t breathe under here.”

“Ouch?! What was that?”

“I’m tired, you get on top.”

“Oh, faster, faster, faster (hurry up already, school is out in 3 minutes)!”

“Ah, ah, ah, owwwwwccchhh. Damn, I think I threw my back out!”

“Uh, thank you. See you again in a month?”