Thank You Uncle Walt

DISCLAIMER – If you are one of the poor souls who actually know me, you may want to seriously consider if you want to read this posting…. don’t say you weren’t warned! Actually, I should put this disclaimer on the whole site. In fact, what was I thinking sending the link out to people I know in the first place?

I went the direct route with the private part naming convention for my children. However, contrary to venerable Dr. Sears, it is NOT a good way to go. Witness the conversation below in an unnamed Sears’ (there's irony in there somewhere) bathroom last year with my two oldest children. I was nominated to take my oldest and middle offspring to the restroom. Making our way to the handicap stall, I waited until they were done.

Bud says, “Momma is that your bagina?” (Only being 5 at the time, his v sounded like a b)
“Shush!”
Scooter looks in horror, “What happened to your penis? Did it fall off?” (I begin to hear the other patrons tittering)
“SHUSH!”
Scooter then says, “What is taking you so long? Why are you sitting down Momma?”
“SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
At the same time, “We’re going out.” And they proceeded to swing the door open and leave it hanging there. I am in no position, literally, to save what remained of my dignity.

It occurred to me then that openness and honesty with my children was out of the question (oh, yeah, and that I will not take my children to the restroom with me again for as long as I live). I came up with the term hoohaw to describe the female anatomy. That lasted until we sat down to watch PB and J Otter on the Disney Channel (contrary to popular belief, I care what my children watch and want them to grow up with a modicum of decency). It seems that Disney, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that the otters live on Lake HooHaw (click on the blog title to see their page). Try explaining that one to your children.

Author’s Note: Up until now, I would not have said that I was overly fascinated by bathroom behavior. I will endeavor to limit my bathroom humor in the future.