National Buy Me A Real Birthday Present Day

I am on a mission today. I want to help prevent the suffering of millions of children who are born in the month of December, because, take it from me, it sucks. Being a person who was born 5 days after Christmas, I can tell you I have made my parents suffer for having the gall to make me endure a lifetime of after Christmas birthdays, pretty much every day of my life, since I was 2. If you are a parent who hopes to avoid a similar fate, here are my suggestions to you.

1) Do not ask your child to pull out the presents s/he would like to open on their birthday, from under the Christmas tree. Buy separate presents for their birthday.

2) Wrap all birthday presents in birthday paper, not Christmas paper.

3) Do not invite all of your girlfriends over for a drinking binge and call it your child’s birthday party.

4) Have a birthday party for your child, even though school is out. I had 1, yes, O-N-E, birthday party my entire life. This did not bother me in the least, nope, I am not upset about it at all, in fact, I hardly remember that to be the case, really.

5) Do not tell your child they will get their present in a couple of weeks time, because you are out of money after Christmas.

6) Buy a birthday cake and do not just put a candle in the leftover pie from Christmas dinner.

7) Do not hide the leather coat s/he asked for in the downstairs closet, right next to their sibling’s coat, then, let sibling have their coat for Christmas, while the birthday child has to wait 5 more days to show it off to teenage friends. Of course, this never happened to me, I just made it up as an example of what not to do to your children.


Cheers to some of my fellow December babies, Single White Female and Rock Bitch! Tie one on for me!