So, how good of a job did I do with my lipstick, anyway?

There just comes a point in the evolution of society when we're all criminals. Just turn your sorry butts in now and make it easier for the cops. Why, I can think of a couple of laws I have broken in the last couple of days, so, I'm turning myself in...or, I will once I get photo evidence in the mail proving that I am guilty. Let's see, there is jaywalking (1). The paper shit, that flies out of my van every time my kids open both doors at the same time, that, no matter how hard I try, one piece always gets away, qualifies me for littering (2). And, of course, speeding (3). Actually, I don't much care for speeding, now that I have children, but, take for instance the other day, when I was alone and....what was it I said? going 15 over the speed limit? Mmmmm, I was late for a meeting. In an effort to curtail all late-to-meeting-speeding, the fair city of Scottsdale, Arizona has installed photo enforcement on the 101 loop. The primary highway loop through the valley.

I will repeat that, they have installed photo enforcement of the 101 loop. A main highway with a speed limit of 65 mph. Money well spent, since on most days the traffic looks like this...

...from about 6 am to 7 pm, Monday thru Friday. On the weekends the traffic is clearly not that heavy, so cut us some slack will ya? The first day of the photo enforcement was Sunday and your’s truly realized what was happening, when a big flash went off on the freeway right in front of her....my quick thinking brain figured, either the aliens had landed or that it looked like a camera flash. (Nevermind, the big orange AZDOT signs announcing the photo enforcement - I'm driving, I don't have time to read - just talk on my cell phone, put on makeup, yell at my kids, pass them food and tissues to the back and try to get the DVD setup, but read? That would be dangerous!) The other gentry on the road that day procededed to do each of the following:

• Go 55 in the fast lane.
• Slam on their breaks as soon as they saw the flash - dude, just like with the cop in patrol car, it's too damn late!
• Huddle in groups of cars, like sardines, hoping they could not be picked out from the masses.
• Continue driving like a suicidal maniac and pass people in all lanes going about 90 - yes, you, asshole, in the Acura, I hope you ticket is for real. Who knows, you probably stole the car anyway.

Scottsdale isn't being too greedy though, oh, no. You only get a ticket if you are going 10 over the speed limit and for the first 30 days, you only get a warning. I guess the city figures they'll get your money one way or the other - overpriced, boutique, nirvana of a city.

So, um, yeah, one of these days I'll be late again and here will come a picture of me. Don't they know how much I hate to have my picture taken?

Back to the law breaking, is oral sex still on the books? I would like a picture of me doing that one, actually, come to think of it, so would my husband.