Sunday, March 22, 2009
Spirits In The Material World
My father has been transferring old VHS home videos to DVD over the past couple of weeks. He has the VCR plugged into an adaptor and runs them into the computer, so you can watch what is being recorded. I have seen pictures of myself and my brother from those oh, how I wish I could forget, years of teenage awkwardness and braces. My parents questionable fashion choices of the past.
Good GOD, they were the same age then, that I am now. I don’t look that old do I? Of course, not.
The other day I walked into my parents den and saw ghosts on the computer. There was my grandmother who had passed away the same year I graduated from high school and my aunt, who died of lung cancer some years ago.
Stunned doesn’t even begin to express what it was like to see and hear my grandmother again. I think for me one of the things I am never quite sure about is if I remember correctly what her voice sounded like. I was so glad to realize I had. My grandmother was quiet for most of the recording I saw, happily eating cheesecake. She was a diabetic who loved sweets and each time she ate something she shouldn’t she relished the treat, this was one of the times she was cheating on her diet and you could tell she was loving every second of it.
My aunt, was healthy and playing on the floor with one of my male cousins, her nephew. There she was in all of her snarky glory. I relished in being reminded of her mannerisms and her voice as well.
These were two women, that I spent a great deal of time with as a child, I miss them. However, I am a little embarrassed to say that I was slightly uncomfortable watching them. Wanting to run from the renewed freshness of their passing and while wanting to be able to ask them questions and hug them, but alas, it was just a recording of a moment from long ago.
One day, I will sit down and show some of the movies to my sons. Grateful for having these precious moments to show my children who their Irish great-grandmother was and their great-aunt. They will have more, actions and words. A pale second to meeting their great-grandmother and great-aunt, but special all the same.
The other day I walked into my parents den and saw ghosts on the computer. There was my grandmother who had passed away the same year I graduated from high school and my aunt, who died of lung cancer some years ago.
Stunned doesn’t even begin to express what it was like to see and hear my grandmother again. I think for me one of the things I am never quite sure about is if I remember correctly what her voice sounded like. I was so glad to realize I had. My grandmother was quiet for most of the recording I saw, happily eating cheesecake. She was a diabetic who loved sweets and each time she ate something she shouldn’t she relished the treat, this was one of the times she was cheating on her diet and you could tell she was loving every second of it.
My aunt, was healthy and playing on the floor with one of my male cousins, her nephew. There she was in all of her snarky glory. I relished in being reminded of her mannerisms and her voice as well.
These were two women, that I spent a great deal of time with as a child, I miss them. However, I am a little embarrassed to say that I was slightly uncomfortable watching them. Wanting to run from the renewed freshness of their passing and while wanting to be able to ask them questions and hug them, but alas, it was just a recording of a moment from long ago.
One day, I will sit down and show some of the movies to my sons. Grateful for having these precious moments to show my children who their Irish great-grandmother was and their great-aunt. They will have more, actions and words. A pale second to meeting their great-grandmother and great-aunt, but special all the same.
