Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sharing
I sit here, on a Sunday, wool gathering. I shouldn’t be, I have so much to do, but my mind is not cooperating today at all. Maybe if I write, I can get some of it out and then move on with my day.
This year, my children will be with my ex-husband for Christmas. For the first time, ever, I will not see my children on Christmas day. My family has been bugging me to pick a day to have the boys open presents, before they leave. I haven’t done it. I can’t seem to, because if I do, then it is real, they won’t be here. I have about a week to go, so, probably next weekend, I will have faux Christmas with my family. What is the difference of a few days right? I can pretend it is the 25th. They won’t be here for my birthday or New Years Eve, either. They are going to miss our annual visit to the Fiesta Bowl parade and they will be gone for 2 weeks. I can’t stop thinking about them being gone and I have been asking myself, why did I save up vacation time for the weeks they won’t be here? So, I can better savor how long they are gone?
Admittedly, I would like a couple of quiet days, but not as much as I am getting. I am going to travel and visit family, while they are gone, but I wish they were coming with me. The sad thing is, if my ex lived closer, we would celebrate the holidays together with the kids. We get along with one another pretty well and last year, I took the kids to his parents’ house, so we could have Thanksgiving together. It worked out rather well.
I’ve always enjoyed the holidays with my children and my time off at the end of the year. I don’t think I thought through what it meant to have them gone for so long and my being off from work. It will all be fine, my kids will have a great time. For me, if I were mistress of my own destiny (which I am clearly not), I would curl up on a couch and read at my BFF's and speak the fewest amount of words possible. This would actually bring me a great deal of peace, not to try to be perky and funny and sociable around people. I’d embrace my inner introvert with abandon. Alas, I am only getting a few days of my wish. Keep your fingers crossed that it is enough.
