Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Living In A Corporate World and I Am A Corporate Girl

corp

I work for a large Corporation and there are rules. These are not the kind printed up nicely in black and white in some handbook somewhere. They are unwritten, but possibly, even more powerful than those laid out in the handbook. One of the biggest rules in my world is having a professional appearance. To help you navigate these tricky waters; I have come up with a points based system for how women are judged at work (I left out body style - but having a ginormous presence, as I do, does not help the situation at all, but that is a discussion for another day).

Clothes
Clothes tailored and fit +100
Clothes make you look like JLo while she was dating PDiddy -50 (if you have a male boss +25 here)
Pants fall down, when you stand up -25
Clothes in tasteful muted tones and patterns +50
Clothes are black with some gray for variety +150 (if you live in New York +200 for this one)
Clothes are bright and festive -25
Clothes were in style within the past 10 years +10
Clothes in style within anytime frame over 10 years -25 (-50 if they were in style during the 70's)
Clothes currently in style +20
Clothes were not and never will be in style -70 (plaid pants with floral tops, anyone?)
Accessories coordinated and tasteful +20
Accessories look more like jewelry made by your 5 year old self -10

Hair
Hair is professionally done at a good salon +100
Hair cut is professional, dye job is from a box, but looks okay +50
Hair is dirty and unkempt -130
Hair highlights look like you were drunk when they were applied -25
You are wearing the same hair style as you did when you graduated from high school -200 (-250, if you graduated from 1983 – 1987)

Makeup/Facial Hair
Makeup is light and natural (no orange lines, ladies) +50
Lipstick is the right shade +25
Makeup makes Dame Edna look understated -75
Lipstick matches the fire engine that just passed your car -25
Eyebrows are arched and refined +25
Eyebrow is large and bushy -30
No real presence of facial hair (especially above the lip) +15
Clear evidence of mustache and/or shebeard -30

Totals
~Anything over 150, congratulations! You are on your way to your next promotion!
~Anything under 150, get a stylist on the phone ASAP! Take out a loan, go to a nice salon, buy clothes only while under close supervision of others and introduce yourself to a pair of tweezers.
~Anyone with a negative number, call a career counselor and ask them what you can do all day while wearing your jammies. OMG, that’s me! What about nursing, they just have to wear scrubs all day, I could handle that, but dealing with sick people all day, ick!



frumpy

posted by Ditsy Chick @ 8:18 PM |

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