Friday, November 18, 2005
Friday Morning Confessional
I believe that confession is good for the soul (it was pounded into my head by my mother and the priests and nuns at Judge Memorial Catholic High School) and that is one thing I miss, since I decided sleeping in on Sundays was a higher priority than attending mass. So, I am going to enter my confessional blog space this morning.
Since I barely know most of you, I figure, I had better make something clear, right off the bat – I am a complete fraud. That’s right I am full of shit. There I said it. It may sound like I have at least some control when my children act like wild heathens and my life is one catastrophe after another. Oh, no, quite the contrary, I freak out. I yell, I have spanked my children (when timeout fails), my marriage is in the toi…… (hi hon, no I wasn’t about to say anything about us, on the Internet, to complete strangers) and GOD, do I vent (I think it was this blog or my best friend would have had me carted off to therapy)!
So, just when I become convinced my children would have been better off being raised by crack whores (you know, the hooker-with-the-heart-of-gold type), I get an evening like last night. My children and I read books together, good children’s books, for an hour. They cleaned up their messes, they took a bath and we re-enacted ‘The 3 Little Pigs’ and 'Goldilocks'. Yes, your guess is correct, aliens kidnapped my children – and I sure hope they don’t have plans to leave anytime soon. I hope the aliens that have my children have insurance (medical, auto and disaster) and they don’t forget to sing the ‘Oompa-loompa’ song to the boys before they go to bed, they like that.
“OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS?
EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT?
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
DOOMPADEE DOO”
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS?
EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT?
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
DOOMPADEE DOO”
