Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Corporate Buzz Words That Suck
Cross pollinating –
This term should be used in connection with bees and flowers only.
Holistic –
Enough already with this word and yes, this is the correct spelling, not wholistic.
Voice of the Customer –
Customers had a much louder voice when you let them speak to an actual person! You would know what they were saying if you didn’t leave them in an endless loop on your convoluted voice response systems! Now you pay people to go out and “find” the real voice of the customer or beg for customer feedback on surveys.
Value Add –
Near as I can tell this means they are charging you more for less quality/product/service.
Delighters (6 Sigma term, don’t ask) –
As in, if the coffee stinks, the excellent creamer doesn’t matter for shit.
B2B/C2C -
"Oh, look corporate America is joining the cute text language trend, aren’t they clever?"
POA (point of arrival)-
Is really double speak for POS (piece of shit, but I spent a lot money on it).
Cautiously Optimistic-
My year review is due, results are in the toilet and no response from my resume I posted on Monster.com last week.
‘Win-win’ Situation (or just ‘win-win’ for short) –
The only ‘win-win’ situation I need to know about is when my 4 year old finally manages to both poop in the toilet and wipe his own butt.
This term should be used in connection with bees and flowers only.
Holistic –
Enough already with this word and yes, this is the correct spelling, not wholistic.
Voice of the Customer –
Customers had a much louder voice when you let them speak to an actual person! You would know what they were saying if you didn’t leave them in an endless loop on your convoluted voice response systems! Now you pay people to go out and “find” the real voice of the customer or beg for customer feedback on surveys.
Value Add –
Near as I can tell this means they are charging you more for less quality/product/service.
Delighters (6 Sigma term, don’t ask) –
As in, if the coffee stinks, the excellent creamer doesn’t matter for shit.
B2B/C2C -
"Oh, look corporate America is joining the cute text language trend, aren’t they clever?"
POA (point of arrival)-
Is really double speak for POS (piece of shit, but I spent a lot money on it).
Cautiously Optimistic-
My year review is due, results are in the toilet and no response from my resume I posted on Monster.com last week.
‘Win-win’ Situation (or just ‘win-win’ for short) –
The only ‘win-win’ situation I need to know about is when my 4 year old finally manages to both poop in the toilet and wipe his own butt.
