Monday, October 13, 2008
Groceries
Lately, I have found that I have a true aversion to grocery shopping (phobia is probably the more accurate term, but I am trying to avoid a protracted engagement with a psychiatrist, so, I'll stick with aversion for now). I have determined that it may not all be my recent bout with depression that may be to blame for this, but, rather, where I choose to shop. One of the nicer things about Phoenix is their grocery stores, they have some very nice, clean and kitschy grocery stores.
I don't shop at any of those stores.
I go to Wal-Mart. Why? Because it is by far the least expensive out of all the stores and with 3 kids, well, money counts.
Here are some of my least favorite things about grocery shopping:
My fellow shoppers – I don't ever worry about what I am wearing or if I have even bathed on shopping day, because it is guaranteed that there are several people there, who, uh…gave up personal hygiene for Lent 20 years ago and just never saw the need to pick the habit back up.
Okay and let's be honest here, I have never seen so many rotund people, in one place at one time, in my life (well, other than at the food court at the County Fair in Idaho, potatoes aren't the only things that grow big in that state). I can say this, because, I, myself, am a lardass, but some of these folks are so big their car tilts to one side when they get in it. The courtesy scooters are always out and uncharged, because they have been used to within an inch of their life – I have seen women get into smackdowns over who is getting the last scooter available, it wasn't pretty (although, in the end, I totally, kicked her 70 year old ass – mess with the bull, get the horns, beotch).
The checkout clerks - I have often imagined the testing they perform to hire someone to do checkout at my local Wal-Mart and I think it must go something like this:
Okay, what we need you to do is to move all the cans from this side of the table…to the other side of the table. We'll give you 60 seconds to do this….and the people who actually complete the task are referred to Target for employment opportunities. The applicants that can't move more than a couple of cans in the allotted 60 seconds are hired on the spot.
I think they then take the slowest of the bunch and show them a picture of me and tell them, "make sure she is always in your line".
By the time I leave the store, I have lost over an hour of my life, that I am never going to get back (I mean, I could have been doing something productive, like napping). I've lost faith in the future of the human race and I feel the overwhelming need to bathe.
So, is it any wonder, I have developed aphobia, er, aversion to grocery shopping? I think not.
All I can say is, I'm still too cheap to go someplace else, it is a good damn thing those pills I am taking are working out.
I don't shop at any of those stores.
I go to Wal-Mart. Why? Because it is by far the least expensive out of all the stores and with 3 kids, well, money counts.
Here are some of my least favorite things about grocery shopping:
My fellow shoppers – I don't ever worry about what I am wearing or if I have even bathed on shopping day, because it is guaranteed that there are several people there, who, uh…gave up personal hygiene for Lent 20 years ago and just never saw the need to pick the habit back up.
Okay and let's be honest here, I have never seen so many rotund people, in one place at one time, in my life (well, other than at the food court at the County Fair in Idaho, potatoes aren't the only things that grow big in that state). I can say this, because, I, myself, am a lardass, but some of these folks are so big their car tilts to one side when they get in it. The courtesy scooters are always out and uncharged, because they have been used to within an inch of their life – I have seen women get into smackdowns over who is getting the last scooter available, it wasn't pretty (although, in the end, I totally, kicked her 70 year old ass – mess with the bull, get the horns, beotch).
The checkout clerks - I have often imagined the testing they perform to hire someone to do checkout at my local Wal-Mart and I think it must go something like this:
Okay, what we need you to do is to move all the cans from this side of the table…to the other side of the table. We'll give you 60 seconds to do this….and the people who actually complete the task are referred to Target for employment opportunities. The applicants that can't move more than a couple of cans in the allotted 60 seconds are hired on the spot.
I think they then take the slowest of the bunch and show them a picture of me and tell them, "make sure she is always in your line".
By the time I leave the store, I have lost over an hour of my life, that I am never going to get back (I mean, I could have been doing something productive, like napping). I've lost faith in the future of the human race and I feel the overwhelming need to bathe.
So, is it any wonder, I have developed a
All I can say is, I'm still too cheap to go someplace else, it is a good damn thing those pills I am taking are working out.
