Friday, August 07, 2009
A New Plan
I know someone who works with a rescue for animals, actually several someones. It seems like a rather noble cause and I would like to jump on the bandwagon (because if I can't actually do it out of the goodness of my heart, at least it will beef up my dating profile).
"Thank you for calling the wayward home for aging cougars, how may I help you?"
"What? Oh, yes, we do find a lot of them hanging around Scottsdale. Did you want to drop her off at the rescue?"
"Oh, yes, we have a plastic surgeon come in and consult with our cougars once a week. Sir, I assure you, we will take the best of care with your cougar. Why, we even have on site tanning beds and a full service day spa."
"What's that? Oh, my, well no, you can't do that here, but we do have weekly bus trips to Scottsdale where she would be able to get her groove on every Saturday night. We tag our cougars to make sure they come back home with us and don't get left behind."
"By the way, how old did you say you were? Really 24? Do you like a more mature woman? Because you have a sexy voice there tiger. Oh, no reason, just part of the admission questionnaire. Now where were we?"
"Excuse me? She has a what??!! What??!! Did you say her shirt says? No! I am afraid we can't take a BYU cougar in, we have had issues in the past with being able to pay for the groceries it takes to keep them at our location. My apologies, it just never seems to work out."
"Very well. Thank you for calling. Have a cougarlicious day!"
*Disclaimer - I am not a cougar. Nope, I like my men housetrained, thank you very much.
"Thank you for calling the wayward home for aging cougars, how may I help you?"
"What? Oh, yes, we do find a lot of them hanging around Scottsdale. Did you want to drop her off at the rescue?"
"Oh, yes, we have a plastic surgeon come in and consult with our cougars once a week. Sir, I assure you, we will take the best of care with your cougar. Why, we even have on site tanning beds and a full service day spa."
"What's that? Oh, my, well no, you can't do that here, but we do have weekly bus trips to Scottsdale where she would be able to get her groove on every Saturday night. We tag our cougars to make sure they come back home with us and don't get left behind."
"By the way, how old did you say you were? Really 24? Do you like a more mature woman? Because you have a sexy voice there tiger. Oh, no reason, just part of the admission questionnaire. Now where were we?"
"Excuse me? She has a what??!! What??!! Did you say her shirt says? No! I am afraid we can't take a BYU cougar in, we have had issues in the past with being able to pay for the groceries it takes to keep them at our location. My apologies, it just never seems to work out."
"Very well. Thank you for calling. Have a cougarlicious day!"
*Disclaimer - I am not a cougar. Nope, I like my men housetrained, thank you very much.
